Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
