My first STD was from a foam party
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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