I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Vodka?
Forever.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
