If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize