Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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