so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
