I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
