I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
