Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i drank out of a bidet.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
