Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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