I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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