I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
