I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
