Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
