I didn't shave. On purpose
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
