So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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