I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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