i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
soo... how was my night?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize