I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
