Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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