If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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