This show inspires me to have sex in space
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
