Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
