tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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