My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
