I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
