That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
