i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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