Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
