I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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