I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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