Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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