The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
