You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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