Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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