Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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