I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
