You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
