What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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