I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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