Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Randomize
