Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
The power of my boobs compel you
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
