great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
