So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Do vagina's smell?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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