I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
