I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Randomize
