So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
