why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
