3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
