connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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