Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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