Need sex. Gaining weight.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
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