if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
