if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
