I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
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