Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize