I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
