Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
