Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
