I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
