bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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