he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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