Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
