my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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