actually, I'm a sock model
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i will never coherently bang her
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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